there goes my diet for a day.

O.K. so if you know me then you know that i lovelovelove cooking. It's my hobby. And i often *always* improvise my recipes. So, today i cooked two different things and i've decided to give all you readers a few of my recipes.

First off i made choc chip cookies. Now i like my cookies chewy and i've struggled to find a choc chip recipe to Satify my chewing needs. so i invented one.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1/2 cup of white sugar
3 tbsp of margarine
1 egg
teaspoon of vanilla essence
1 1/4 cup of plain flour
LOTS of choc chips

Step 1: mix two types of sugar and margarine with an electric beater.
Step 2: Add egg and vanilla
Step 3: Add flour and choc chips
Step 4: Put on a tray and cook at 160C for like idk 20 mins? just keep an eye on them

HOW EASY IS THAT?! That's them below cooking away in the oven. :D


and these are special care cookies. they're going to a friend of mine who's going through a rough patch. so I'm making her nice things

AND tomorrow is world teachers day. i think it's pretty lame but i have a feeling my school will be getting into it so i decided to make toffee apples. it was very difficult to make these.

ok so you'll need
apples
sticks
3 cups of water
2 cups of white sugar
and a tbsp of white vinegar

step 1: you start off by mixing the sugar and water and vinegar in a saucepan on high for like ages (25mins) then you dunk apples in it. sounds easy yes? NO. It was noooot easy. But here are some pictures i tooke of the process on my new WATERPROOF HOT PINK camera XD.

Deep breathing.

WARNING: first part of this blog is mega depresso

I am so close to breaking down. In the past two weeks i've had my heart trampled on three times. It's honestly too much.

Firstly i had a boy i used to love flirt with me and lead me on only to drop me cold and honestly does not care one iota about me.

I then fell for a guy, who fell for me, who has a girlfriend. 

Then i had a "thing" with a childhood sweetheart, who has a girlfriend.

My heart is so close to breaking. and on top of that I'm failing one of my subjects at school and the stress of finishing is getting to me and the stress of leaving and the stress of uni auditions and i am crumbling. 

I don't know who to go to. I honestly don't know who cares. And i feel like such a winger. But i just feel like my insides are made of lead. I wish i was less stubborn and would cry out for help. Or better yet i wish my mum listened, i mean actually listened. 

To top it off i just had a screaming fight with my brother and i feel like shattering a mirror over my head.

So thats why I'm putting all this in my blog. Because i have no idea what to do.

Let's move on.

Over the holidays i did lots of theatre. One thing was a camp called TRW. It was a lot of fun. I met some incredible people who i know i'll be friends with for a long time.

And then i did a show called Forbidden Broadway which was so good. I had so much fun performing and learning. I miss all my CSP friends a lot when I'm at school. Which i think might be another reason I'm so sad at the moment.

MAY I JUST SAY

That the blog below is not in my natural nature.

I'm not an angry person by any stretch.

Please realize that the weekend was the straw that broke the camels back. It was a meaningless empty vent. 

Treat it that way.

in better news.

i'm eating yoghurt and mulsi.

and am no where near finishing my 30 minute oral, due tomorrow. WOOOOOOOOOHOO

Negativity warning. (edited)

OK so i've had to put up with one too many things for me to not get mega pissed off about my weekend. It was my brothers birthday and it was also riverfire. So Steph and i along with two fo my brothers friends went and sat around at southbank for SEVEN hours securing a good spot to watch the fire works. My brother then had friends over to MY house. Let me tell you all the things that went wrong

a) At around 2pm a few of my friends came to the area i was sitting at to have a chat to me. I then had my brother and his "friends" sitting there giving me foul looks. So i had to tell me friends to leave because of my anal brother and friends. I THEN found out that Jacob's friend douche #1 had been saying to one of my friends

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY RUG. THIS IS MY FUCKING RUG I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR HOURS. FUCK OFF!"

Might i also add that douche #1 is around 7 years older then my friends so was obviously intimidating. 

OK so first off. Douche #1 deserves to be screamed at by an angry german, and secondly. IT WAS MY RUG! MINE! NOT HIS! 

CHILLLLLLLLLLL

So, after telling my friends to leave, which was awkward in itself. I then went over to apologize to my brother. What for? I'm not too sure.  but it was his birthday so i made the effort. I was then yelled at and told to get away from him because he didn't want to look at me and to just leave him alone. on the verge of tears i put my shoes on and left. 

I then get txts to my phone saying 

"come back to the spot. people are trying to take thte spot."

and things of that manner.

i grudgingly came back to find more douchebags at the spot. 

THENNNN

when it was about two minutes to the start of the fireworks i got up and stood at the front of the railng. Introducing douche #2. He began abusing me and my three friends and telling us to stand behind him because he couldn't see. First of all i had been there for SEVEN hours. i deserve a good spot. He'd literally arrived an hour ago. maybe less. Second of all EVERYONE stands up once the fireworks began. I mean EVERYONE. And thirdly FIRE WORKS ARE IN THE SKY! YOU LOOK UP TO SEE THEM!

i had a girl even say to me that i needed to stop thinking of myself and think about other people. yeaaaaahhh its not like i was thinking of other people when i gave up my entire saturday to sit around doing nothing so my brothers friends would have a good spot to see the fireworks. 

so, anyway. i didnt move and this douche #2 ended up standing up HA!

Then after all this i finially get back to my house where there is a "party" happening. So there was around 15 people standing around the PC watching anchorman. and 7 people upstairs talking about nothing. 

 so me and my friends just rode around my suburb till like 2am.

THEN at 2.30am all of a sudden everyone starts going to bed. 

and Douche #1 had taken the spare bed i was going to use for my friends. which meant my friends had no where to sleep. However i knew that there was only one guy sleeping on the double bed downstairs and this is where we meet Douche #3 or we might call my S.R. (social retard) .

Now i've known SR for around oooh 13 years so i thought it would be ok if i just went and crash on the spot next to him. i went down and he was having a winge about it so i said i'd leave but then he said it was fine. and considering it was 3am and i had an audition in seven hours i just figured he'd suck it up and go to sleep. I wake up and he's gone so i figured. no harm done yeah? WRONG. i get firstly told off by my brother saying i'd scared this boy for life. and now . the day after all this happened i went downstairs and i have no idea what my brother said to my mother but my mother said that i've really upset SR. WTF! it was like 5 hours. OF SLEEPING! WTF is wrong with these people. 

*sigh*

sorry about this long negative blog but i figure its better i say it all here rather then getting violent or anything. 

Youth, truth, beauty, fame, boredom and a bottle of pills.

I love this picture.

i 

And this one

Once again, it's been a while.

Hmm what's new. 

I've been reading some really cool blogs and websites lately. People are so cool.

I confessed my most private secret to my best friend.

Love. When will i understand what it is?

I had a burst of positivity a few days ago. Good feeling.

Today, in class i wrote horrible things to people in a word document. I shouldn't have thought what i did. But i did anyway.

Ah life. why are you so weird & annoying sometimes.

I need someone new, someone positive and exciting. Actually, i know exactly who i need. 

Applying for unis tomorrow then music concert. fun fun fun. 

Dear......

i'm sorry i broke your heart

Dear.....

i wouldn't call you my best friend anymore

Dear......

i wish i meant more to you

Dear......

Kiss me?

Dear ......

Love me?

Dear.....

You deserve so much better

I told someone that you made my day today.

They asked if i was joking.

I wasn't.

Wolf.

I had my formal the other night. 

It was amazing.

I am currently absurdly stressed because of two (five) assignments due very soon.

Also, someone sent me a letter. And i can't really explain anything about how i'm feeling. But the letter has changed me. 

I don't know if the author will read this but i'll put some of it up and hope he doesn't mind.

Dear thous’t most alluring Phoebe

After my grandmother finished talking to me about her marriage of late, I linked it to love and inherently to you.  I then came across in my mind one of  T’s quotes about how “there is a moment when every moment behind you has come to this point, and every moment after will result directly from this one.”

Every moment before this point has given me the better perspective I needed over a month ago, but still, it led to this epiphany, “The past is what we leave in the dark, the future is the light that we run to”. 

You are the light of which I run to.  The light of which I try so hard to reach.

I… for that lack of a word that no word will ever be able describe, Love you.  Nay, a candle was never made to be untouched by the beautiful passion of fire. 

I don’t want to reach the end of my life with the same result that my grandfather has brought upon himself, losing the one thing that I care about due to anything other than death.  Stupidity and selfishness was his downfall, it shall not be my own.

You once said to me you believed that the love people shared of earlier years was stronger than that of more modern times, you were true in your words.  Let me give you some old time love.

see what i mean. 

I hate myself and my life so much right now.

It's all going to change soon though. I'll be moving. Doing what i was put on this earth to do. And i'll have a completely fresh start. Until then i just need to focus on the positives. 

Formal on friday :)

It's been a while since i last wrote something. It's been a very busy time.

Finished Sweeney. It was amazing. I was happier with my first performance rather then my second. I've liked people. 

I've stopped liking people. 

I got so sick i was in bed for 4 days. 

I've cried. 

I've laughed. 

I've sung, alot. 

I've had another birthday. 

I've got fake nails on (a first for me). 

I've failed 3 of my 5 subjects. 

And now i'm left with an endlessly busy schedule and an odd feeling of emptiness within my life. I assume it's because of a few personal issues along with the lack of love in my life and the lack of theatre on a day-to-day basis. 

At my school at the moment, alot of people are really stressed/depressed/upset, myself included and it feels like people are just very wrapped up in their own worlds without giving consideration to others around them. I need to start being a better person and make people happier then they are. Thats the way the make myself a happier person on the inside. That and eating chocolate.

Six.

Sitting alone, cold and tired on the bus i realized how much i love you.

holly dayz.

well i haven't posted a blog in a while so i will now. 

i'll give you a rough lowdown of my holidays so far

Sunday- Brandon's picnic then roo's house with LOTS of pizza and v*dka 

Monday- Roo, Maddy and I spent roughly four hours half asleep in the spare bedroom :) followed by more pizza

Tuesday- Went to chermside with emma and saw "the hangover". It was pretty funny. shmeh. and i had amazing japanese food. OH and i got my new phone which made me the happiest girl in the world. Then ruth came over in the night time and we watched monsters inc. and laughed and ate chicken crimpies. 

Wednesday- Ruth left before i woke up but thats not saying much considering i didn't wake up till 12.30. then we literally just lazed around which was effing beautiful. oh just magnificent. and i made us some pizza. then emma went home around 4pm and i cleaned up a bit and cooked pasta and meatballs for dinner. yum.

Thursday- Quite spontaneously i ended up going to the gold coast with Eesh and her grandpa and we went to pacific fair and shopped for around 4 hours. i got some lovely flats and some jewelry and Eesha got shirts and jewelry. 

Thhheeen, Callum got free tix to "In Stitches" at QPAC  *thanks josh thomas:)" and it was 

Mike Wilmot, Russell Kane, Smart Casual, Dave Thornton and Felcity Ward. 

it was ok. i mean I'm not complaining. but they were just very crude and thats not my style. 

so anyway that brings me to now. today. where i'm finally *doing* my assignments and stuff. 

but i wanted to write a quick hello to you all. 

P.S. i'm pretty sure i don't have emotion anymore. i haven't cried in months and don't love any boys. i just am constantly in neutral. 

Ballet.

There is really something indescribably beautiful about ballerinas. 

I used to dance a lot from the age of around 7 till 14 but i couldn't fit in the amount of theatre i wanted to do with all the dance lessons so i had to choose. I'm very glad i chose theatre.

I used to have a very good friend and i have to say she is one of the most outstanding dancers i've ever seen. I think she's in Sydney at some posh dance school.

Today Michael Jackson died. I don't feel anything. 

I'm feeling very lonely. Maybe its because its raining. I'm not sure. It's been a lingering feeling for a while now. Maybe its because my friendship groups are changing and i haven't had a fling in a while because of year 12 and such. Who knows?

I'm getting a new phone tomorrow. And i have no plans for tomorrow nigh, which is sad. But then it's Sunday and that means Roo's house with my besties.

OK so i think i'm going to go google how to make my blog look better then it does at the moment.

Have a good weekend you beautiful people.

xo.

Peach.

OK!

so 

today started off bad with a QCS trail test for two hours. highly frustrating. then i tried to hand in my music so i wouldn't have to go to school tomorrow. FAIL. my computer shat itself and decided disks were the devil so i have to travel TWO HOURS tomorrow to hand in this bloody assignment. FML.

then i was getting super impatient with pressing reset on the starlight website waiting for the Sweeney cast list.  then i opened my email and there it was. and yes, i got Mrs. Lovett. 

i've been waiting a LONG time for this role so i am very pleased. A bit concerned about my opposite but i'll work through that.

so finally got that then trekked my way over to Starlight for my acting lesson with Jack. Much fun going through lines and accents and such.

then roo picked me up form the theatre. cause hes a gem like that :P

i always fear for my life when driving with roo.

THEN i went to dinner. I had honey lemon chicken with coconut rice. SO yummy. and huge. so i gave half to josi'ah. and Mr J. (my principal) payed for my entire grades dinner. gosh i love him.

Then some of my peers went to woolies and got some sugary love. and we went back to school and watched "Mean Girls" & "The Virgin Suicides". Hahahah talk about opposite end of the spectrum. 

Then my brother picked me up. Always a pleasant surprise. and because i didn't have to pay for dinner, i bought Jakey some food. and then we belted out some broadway tunes all the way home.

Overall it was a good day. still don't want to go in tomorrow.  But i suppose i do get to see some people i wanted to see. :)

P.S. 

and as promised here are some pictures from my visit to Sahara's house. 

the adorable Kingston and myself.

Beautiful Sahara, 11 now!

Phillip Glass.

All day i've been doing comparative study on Philip Glass's minimalist piece "Floe" and Ghana music. I just want to diieeeeeee. 

Mind you though. I really don't mind Floe. It gives you the feeling like you're floating on your back down some beautiful river. I definitely think you should all go listen. 

Expand your mind & you music.

So, my name's Phoebe and i am so clueless when it comes to describing myself. 

So i'll just not even try and if you want to know me then just keep on reading my blog, k?

Three days ago i had an audition for the show "Sweeney Todd", i mean its only an amateur production (STARLIGHT THEATRE FTW) but i'd love love love to get Mrs Lovett. Well Cast list comes out tomorrow and i'll be sure to keep you all posted on the result. 

My french tutor has moved three streets away from me. 

A little freaky? yes. 

A little convenient? yes.

O.K. so i actually have a pretty interesting life. Not to toot my own horn or whatever. But take for instance yesterday my mum called my aunty because its my cousins birthday tomorrow. And apparently at the top of Sahara's wish list for her birthday is 

"to see Phoebe"

XD

I smiled for hours. So i'm trying my hardest to get this stupid M.I. done so i can go to her house tomorrow and see her.

I'll make sure i take my camera and take some pictures for you/this blog (considering i'm the only person who reads this) 

Have a good night all you beautiful artistic people who read blogs.