there goes my diet for a day.

O.K. so if you know me then you know that i lovelovelove cooking. It's my hobby. And i often *always* improvise my recipes. So, today i cooked two different things and i've decided to give all you readers a few of my recipes.

First off i made choc chip cookies. Now i like my cookies chewy and i've struggled to find a choc chip recipe to Satify my chewing needs. so i invented one.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup of brown sugar
1/2 cup of white sugar
3 tbsp of margarine
1 egg
teaspoon of vanilla essence
1 1/4 cup of plain flour
LOTS of choc chips

Step 1: mix two types of sugar and margarine with an electric beater.
Step 2: Add egg and vanilla
Step 3: Add flour and choc chips
Step 4: Put on a tray and cook at 160C for like idk 20 mins? just keep an eye on them

HOW EASY IS THAT?! That's them below cooking away in the oven. :D


and these are special care cookies. they're going to a friend of mine who's going through a rough patch. so I'm making her nice things

AND tomorrow is world teachers day. i think it's pretty lame but i have a feeling my school will be getting into it so i decided to make toffee apples. it was very difficult to make these.

ok so you'll need
apples
sticks
3 cups of water
2 cups of white sugar
and a tbsp of white vinegar

step 1: you start off by mixing the sugar and water and vinegar in a saucepan on high for like ages (25mins) then you dunk apples in it. sounds easy yes? NO. It was noooot easy. But here are some pictures i tooke of the process on my new WATERPROOF HOT PINK camera XD.

Deep breathing.

WARNING: first part of this blog is mega depresso

I am so close to breaking down. In the past two weeks i've had my heart trampled on three times. It's honestly too much.

Firstly i had a boy i used to love flirt with me and lead me on only to drop me cold and honestly does not care one iota about me.

I then fell for a guy, who fell for me, who has a girlfriend. 

Then i had a "thing" with a childhood sweetheart, who has a girlfriend.

My heart is so close to breaking. and on top of that I'm failing one of my subjects at school and the stress of finishing is getting to me and the stress of leaving and the stress of uni auditions and i am crumbling. 

I don't know who to go to. I honestly don't know who cares. And i feel like such a winger. But i just feel like my insides are made of lead. I wish i was less stubborn and would cry out for help. Or better yet i wish my mum listened, i mean actually listened. 

To top it off i just had a screaming fight with my brother and i feel like shattering a mirror over my head.

So thats why I'm putting all this in my blog. Because i have no idea what to do.

Let's move on.

Over the holidays i did lots of theatre. One thing was a camp called TRW. It was a lot of fun. I met some incredible people who i know i'll be friends with for a long time.

And then i did a show called Forbidden Broadway which was so good. I had so much fun performing and learning. I miss all my CSP friends a lot when I'm at school. Which i think might be another reason I'm so sad at the moment.

MAY I JUST SAY

That the blog below is not in my natural nature.

I'm not an angry person by any stretch.

Please realize that the weekend was the straw that broke the camels back. It was a meaningless empty vent. 

Treat it that way.

in better news.

i'm eating yoghurt and mulsi.

and am no where near finishing my 30 minute oral, due tomorrow. WOOOOOOOOOHOO

Negativity warning. (edited)

OK so i've had to put up with one too many things for me to not get mega pissed off about my weekend. It was my brothers birthday and it was also riverfire. So Steph and i along with two fo my brothers friends went and sat around at southbank for SEVEN hours securing a good spot to watch the fire works. My brother then had friends over to MY house. Let me tell you all the things that went wrong

a) At around 2pm a few of my friends came to the area i was sitting at to have a chat to me. I then had my brother and his "friends" sitting there giving me foul looks. So i had to tell me friends to leave because of my anal brother and friends. I THEN found out that Jacob's friend douche #1 had been saying to one of my friends

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY RUG. THIS IS MY FUCKING RUG I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR HOURS. FUCK OFF!"

Might i also add that douche #1 is around 7 years older then my friends so was obviously intimidating. 

OK so first off. Douche #1 deserves to be screamed at by an angry german, and secondly. IT WAS MY RUG! MINE! NOT HIS! 

CHILLLLLLLLLLL

So, after telling my friends to leave, which was awkward in itself. I then went over to apologize to my brother. What for? I'm not too sure.  but it was his birthday so i made the effort. I was then yelled at and told to get away from him because he didn't want to look at me and to just leave him alone. on the verge of tears i put my shoes on and left. 

I then get txts to my phone saying 

"come back to the spot. people are trying to take thte spot."

and things of that manner.

i grudgingly came back to find more douchebags at the spot. 

THENNNN

when it was about two minutes to the start of the fireworks i got up and stood at the front of the railng. Introducing douche #2. He began abusing me and my three friends and telling us to stand behind him because he couldn't see. First of all i had been there for SEVEN hours. i deserve a good spot. He'd literally arrived an hour ago. maybe less. Second of all EVERYONE stands up once the fireworks began. I mean EVERYONE. And thirdly FIRE WORKS ARE IN THE SKY! YOU LOOK UP TO SEE THEM!

i had a girl even say to me that i needed to stop thinking of myself and think about other people. yeaaaaahhh its not like i was thinking of other people when i gave up my entire saturday to sit around doing nothing so my brothers friends would have a good spot to see the fireworks. 

so, anyway. i didnt move and this douche #2 ended up standing up HA!

Then after all this i finially get back to my house where there is a "party" happening. So there was around 15 people standing around the PC watching anchorman. and 7 people upstairs talking about nothing. 

 so me and my friends just rode around my suburb till like 2am.

THEN at 2.30am all of a sudden everyone starts going to bed. 

and Douche #1 had taken the spare bed i was going to use for my friends. which meant my friends had no where to sleep. However i knew that there was only one guy sleeping on the double bed downstairs and this is where we meet Douche #3 or we might call my S.R. (social retard) .

Now i've known SR for around oooh 13 years so i thought it would be ok if i just went and crash on the spot next to him. i went down and he was having a winge about it so i said i'd leave but then he said it was fine. and considering it was 3am and i had an audition in seven hours i just figured he'd suck it up and go to sleep. I wake up and he's gone so i figured. no harm done yeah? WRONG. i get firstly told off by my brother saying i'd scared this boy for life. and now . the day after all this happened i went downstairs and i have no idea what my brother said to my mother but my mother said that i've really upset SR. WTF! it was like 5 hours. OF SLEEPING! WTF is wrong with these people. 

*sigh*

sorry about this long negative blog but i figure its better i say it all here rather then getting violent or anything. 

Youth, truth, beauty, fame, boredom and a bottle of pills.

I love this picture.

i 

And this one

Once again, it's been a while.

Hmm what's new. 

I've been reading some really cool blogs and websites lately. People are so cool.

I confessed my most private secret to my best friend.

Love. When will i understand what it is?

I had a burst of positivity a few days ago. Good feeling.

Today, in class i wrote horrible things to people in a word document. I shouldn't have thought what i did. But i did anyway.

Ah life. why are you so weird & annoying sometimes.

I need someone new, someone positive and exciting. Actually, i know exactly who i need. 

Applying for unis tomorrow then music concert. fun fun fun. 

Dear......

i'm sorry i broke your heart

Dear.....

i wouldn't call you my best friend anymore

Dear......

i wish i meant more to you

Dear......

Kiss me?

Dear ......

Love me?

Dear.....

You deserve so much better

I told someone that you made my day today.

They asked if i was joking.

I wasn't.